Did My Time

In November of 2003, Korn released Take a Look in the Mirror. Their sixth studio album, it would mark a return to the American nu metal band’s heavy roots.

It might be a strange choice to focus on, since it’s hardly the favourite among fans (or the band for that matter), but its anniversary is coming up, and it was the last to feature the original line-up. And every time I listen to the album, I wonder why I don’t do so more often, so why not write about it?

While its predecessor, Untouchables (2002), was a critical and commercial success, for their next effort, the band wanted to do things a little differently. The slick production of previous releases proved to be too much of a good thing – with songs that were difficult to perform live or otherwise didn’t blend with the remainder of their set – prompting the guys to dial production back a little and take things back to basics. In a series of group chats earlier that year (archived), vocalist Jonathan Davis promised a return to the raw, aggressive rhythms Korn are known for.

“Untouchables was great,” Davis said during one such chat session, “but it was time for us to do a heavy groove album.”

Korn would certainly deliver on this promise. The band’s musicians – James “Munky” Shaffer (guitar) Brian “Head” Welch (guitar), Fieldy (bass), and David Silveria (drums) would lay the surging, stomping instrumental foundations of what was to be their heaviest offering.

Fans would get a taste of this when “Did My Time” was released as a single in July of 2003, accompanied by a music video featuring Angelina Jolie, to promote her film, Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.

“Did My Time…” What a title. Very Korn-like, but also universal in what it means. Surely, many if not all would know the idiom “doing time,” which is defined by Merriam-Webster as:

“To be in prison for a long period of time : To serve all or part of a prison sentence.“

Or…

“Sometimes used figuratively as do one’s time.”

Like most words and phrases in the English language, “doing time” may just be verbalism, somewhat ill-defined with a meaning depending largely on environment and context. But for the sake of this song, I would like to focus on the latter.

“This one is pissed off and more raw,” Davis said in an interview with MTV News. “Personally, I’ve been having tough times to dwell on and it inspires me to write tough songs.”

In the first verse, Davis rages:

“Realised I can never win,

Sometimes, I feel time I have failed,

Inside, where do I begin,

My mind is laughing at me.“

And so it goes, the song’s story a Sisyphean struggle. Is this not the story of the human condition?

This was and still is a big part of Korn’s appeal. Those lyrics of frustration, depression, alienation, addiction, and existential anxiety hit home for many people grappling with a world of increasing uncertainty. Fans of similar-sounding bands like Limp Bizkit could promptly raise their hands if asked if they’ve had “one of those days.”

Even with all the fame and fortune fans can dream of, the guys in Korn still felt what they felt. Things may have looked fine and dandy on the magazine covers and interviews, but they still dealt with everyday struggles people face and talk about. Substance abuse, the breaking down of their relationships, struggles within the band… all very human things.

Not that I saw any of this at the time. I know that when I was a teenager, buying their albums and reading those interviews, I would fantasise about what life in a band would feel like. It must have been so awesome. And in a lot of ways, it would have been. Tons of money, tons of adoring fans, travel, designer drugs and alcohol, porn-star girlfriends, custom motorcycle builds and fight clubs (I’m guessing here). It drove me up the wall when I would hear celebrities say that money doesn’t buy happiness. What the hell? I would think. You have money. Give it away if it makes you miserable.

Silly, naive me. Now, with twenty years to dwell on the matter, I wouldn’t say that success gives one more of a downside necessarily. It does, however, turn the volume (and gain) up to eleven on all things typically associated with being you, good and bad. Basically, being the same person at the end of the day. Right now, I’m privileged enough to live the “good life,” sitting comfortably in a steady period of employment. Something that pays the bills and gives me enough headroom to enjoy some luxuries, like book-hoarding. And while I’m not exactly buying Bugattis on my salary, I know that what I’m earning rocks compared to being a broke uni student price-comparison shopping for ramen. And yet… and yet… whenever someone goes, “Oh dude, you have an awesome book collection!” I just kind of shrug it off and go, “Yeah, it’s okay I guess,” like the very people I used to shake my head at in my youth.

In any case, Korn did something right with “Did My Time.” The song peaked at number thirty-eight on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, the band’s first entry. However fleeting that might be, it is a little ray of light shining through.

The Stoics often spoke of difficulty and uncertainty. That we live in such an age is why this school of philosophy has seen a revival of interest. To me, it’s become the other end of that nu-metal individualism, or, what could be. A different side of frustration is how I might define Stoicism in the first place, but what do I know? I think Ryan Holiday – who has led the charge on Stoicism as a life-hack – puts it best:

“As Marcus Aurelius said, it’s insane to tie your wellbeing to things outside of your control. If you did your best, if you gave it your all, if you acted with your best judgement – that is a win… regardless of whether it’s a good or bad outcome.”

I don’t know if the members of Korn tied their wellbeing to external factors, necessarily. They wouldn’t be alone if they did. But looking at them now, having done their best and giving their work their all, I would say they’ve come out in a good place.

I read the Stoics quite a bit, and I think Holiday and Marcus Aurelius wrap it up nicely enough. You get up, get to work, sift through all those daily interactions and challenges. You might be pressured, intensely. In fact, I can promise that you will likely be pressured. Anyone doing anything creative for any amount of time knows this. Anyone shouldering any kind of responsibility understands. Those pressures and responsibilities might be forced upon you by someone else. They might be a result of self-inflicted demands. But those pressures and responsibilities can also mark the beginning of progress and improvement.

Of course, Davis would acknowledge something to this effect as well. In that group chat, he revealed to fans that he was “trying to be a better person and not be so depressed all the time.”

Easier said than done, but I don’t have anything better.